Past
by Marish89
Summary: Olivia shares her memories of her past as she deals with the shock of her present situation. Let me know what you think. OliviaElliot frienship. Probable hint at romance later in story.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**

He leant forwards, typing into his computer, attempting to finish his tedious paperwork. A sudden noise came from the direction of the crib. Curious, he walked up the stairs, where he found Olivia tossing and turning violently, still asleep, attempting to escape the claws of a distant memory.

_**Flashback Begin**_

_Olivia walked home, her mother had forgotten to pick her up from school again. Olivia wasn't worried; she was used to it by now. Her mother rarely ever paid attention to her and the only time she did was to either boss her around or use her as a punching bag._

_She reached the house and climbed through the back window, just as she had done for the past few months. Looking around, she realized that her mother had not yet come home. The floor was still tidy from Olivia's cleaning the night before, and the house was yet to smell of booze again._

_Walking to the fridge, she quickly prepared a meal that could be heated later. She pulled out her homework and began to finish her spelling and math homework. A sudden rattle of the door pulled the six year old out of her deep concentration. _

_Olivia walked over to the door, and opened it, revealing her very drunk mother, being held by an officer._

"_Thank you sir." Olivia said, in a much older voice than should belong to a six year old. _

"_Is your father home?" the officer asked, looking past her at the spotless living area._

"_Yes, but he's sleeping. I can take it from here." She lied, gently pulling her mother from the officers grasp, before shutting the door firmly in his face._

"_You bastard child." Her mother yelled at her, the moment the door closed, "Where's my dinner?"_

"_It's here Mama," the little girl handed her mother a dish. The woman drunkenly stumbled over to a chair._

"_Get out of here, you idiot." The woman told the girl, her voice extremely harsh, as she looked into the little girl's deep brown eyes._

"_Yes Mama." The girl responded, before quickly picking up her backpack and homework and fleeing the room._

_As the evening wore on, no more contact was had between mother and daughter. The girl had changed and showered, and prepared her clothing for the following day for both mother and daughter. A sudden yell, startled her out of her gentle slumber that had graciously enveloped her. _

"_Yes Mama?" she question, as she entered the room. She surveyed the damage, mentally calculating how long it would take the pick up the mess. Three bottles of vodka littered the floor followed by a tray of discarded food, and several piles of vomit._

"_Clean up this mess, you whore." The mother yelled at her, before drunkenly stumbling to her room and passing out on the bed._

"_Yes Mama," the little girl said softly, to herself as her mother left the room. _

_For four hours she scrubbed the floor, throwing out bottles and food. The scent of vomit still tainted the air, and Olivia knew that it would not disappear without a few more hours scrubbing. _

_When she decided the smell was acceptable, she looked at the clock, 1:00 am. 'Not too late' she thought to herself, before walking to her room, and falling asleep instantly from exhaustion. Not even two hours later, she was once again woken, but this time in a much more unpleasant manner. _

_A number of forceful blows were being administered to her side. As she tensed and tried to block out the pain, a hand reached out and tightly grasped the waist of the little girl. The hand forced her to turn, until her front was exposed, the feeling of vulnerability at its peak. _

_More blows were rained upon her small already sore frame. As the blows became more vigorous, she passed out from pain. When she awoke again, there were a number of fresh bruises upon her body and she was late in getting breakfast. _

_She dressed and raced toward the kitchen, finding her mother standing there with a sour expression on her face. _

"_Where's my breakfast?" the woman asked nastily._

"_Sorry Mama," she whispered, "I'm making it now." She immediately busied herself making breakfast._

"_Bye Mama," she said, gently kissing her mother's cheek, heading off for school. As she walked the long distance to the school, she knew that she had to come up with yet another excuse as to the various bruises and pain she experienced daily. _

_**Flashback End**_

Elliot watched in horror, as he heard everything that she was saying. He couldn't believe that she had had such a horrid childhood. Sure, she had told him that it had occasionally been tough, but this was hard to imagine. Seeing that she was about to go into another memory, he shook her awake.

Olivia sat up, startled.

"Oh, Elliot." She said, trying to make up the fact that she had just awoken from a memory of her troubled past, "What are you doing here?"

"I heard something, came up here. Did you really have that tough of a childhood?" he asked gently.

"What?" she looked confused, scared even, "No. It wasn't that bad."

"Olivia, please don't hide from me. I won't think any differently of you if I know."

"Yes you will. You'll think I'm weak."

"No, honey." He said, pulling her into a soft hug, "I won't ever think you're weak."

"Yes you will." She claimed stubbornly, "I couldn't ever defend myself. I just sat back and took it. I'm a weakling."

"Olivia, how about you tell me about it, and then I can decide for myself if you are weak or not." He said, knowing full well that he would never think of her as weak.

She knew it was a stupid idea, but she needed to get some memories of her chest. She nodded and was immediately thrown into another flashback as she recited a memory for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

****

**_Flashback Begin _**

****

_"Olivia," her mother yelled from the living area of the house. _

_"Yes Mama," the ever obedient child replied._ ****

_"You forgot to do the laundry. My shirt is still dirty." Her mother stated angrily. _

_"No Mama," the little girl replied, a little afraid of contradicting her viscious mother. "You wore that shirt today, so I couldn't put it in the laundry. You have another shirt like that one, do you want that one?" _

_"No, you little bitch. I want this one." The woman suddenly pouted, "I want this one Livvie." _

_"Yes Mama." The girl responded, taking the shirt off her mother and heading into the laundry, "It will be finished in an hour." _

_"But I need it in 15 minutes." Her mother said, walked predatorily over to her. _

_"But Mama, it takes an hour for the washing machine to do it and for it to dry." _

_"You stupid girl," her mother yelled, as many blows were once again rained upon her small frame. The little girl rolled on her side, attempting to protect herself from the pain. _

_After what seemed like forever, Serena stopped and got dressed before leaving Olivia bleeding and sore on the floor. _

_"Mama, why do you do this?" the little girl asked the empty room. _

_A cynical voice that had already developed in the girl responded nastily 'because you're a good-for-nothing whore, you're stupid, and you hurt people.'. _

_Olivia burst suddenly into tears, and walked gingerly up to her room and collapsing on her bed, forgetting to set out the clothing for herself and her mother. _

_Around six hours later, a very drunk Serena Benson arrived home. With an intense concentration, she managed to unlock the door and stumble inside. _

_"Olivia," she yelled. _

_The girl woke from her slumber and headed toward to lounge where her very drunk mother sat, pouting. _

_"Yes Mama," _

_"I want dinner." _

_"But Mama, you already had dinner. I don't have anything for you to eat." _

_"You don't, do you?" the mother began to advance on the little girl, who quickly changed her answer, _

_"I might be able to make something." She said quickly, before rushing out of the room. _

_"That's what I thought." Serena said. _

_Almost 15 minutes later, Olivia walked into the room, with a small meal and a bottle of Vodka on a tray. _

_"Goodnight Mama." _

**_Flashback End _**

****

"God, that was one of the first times that I was beaten four times in one day." She snorted, self depreciatingly, "My teacher wanted to know why I suddenly had all these bruises. I told her I had a fight with my neighbour but I didn't realize until after I said it, that she was my neighbour and I obviously hadn't been in a fight with her. She called the police…

**_Flashback Begin _**

****

_A knock on the door started Serena out of her stupor. _

_"Get the door you bastard child," she yelled at her daughter. _

_"Yes Mama." The girl opened the door, finding herself looking at two police officers. _

_"What can I do for you?" she asked, using a voice that sounded far too grown up for a seven year old. _

_"We received a report of child abuse. Are your parents home?" _

_"My mother's sleeping. Is there anything I can help you with?" _

_"Yes, can you answer some questions for us?" _

_"Of course, just a moment." Olivia looked back on her mother, who was now snoring. She grabbed her coat and headed outside to talk to the officers. _

_"What did you want to ask me?" she questioned as she pulled the door shut. _

_"Are you being abused?" _

_"No," Olivia said, with as much shock in her voice as she could muster. _

_"Do you mind accompanying us to the hospital for an examination?" _

_"I'm sorry, but I won't go to a hospital. Is that all?" _

_"When your mother wakes up, get her to give us a call." He paused, "And if we don't hear from her, we will be back." _

_Olivia nodded and took the card. She headed back inside and before she closed the door she head the officer say quietly, "She's abused." _

**_Flashback End _**

****

"Needless to say, I was beaten pretty bad that night. I was out of school for two weeks and my teacher didn't ever report abuse again."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: **

"Tell me more," Elliot said. He was still having a difficult time comprehending how such a person could do something like that to their daughter, and how Olivia, after having endured all of this, could still be so kind and compassionate.

**_Flashback Begin _**

****

_"Yes Mama," the girl said as her mother arrived home, once again drunk. _

_"Get me some dinner, bitch," the very drunk woman yelled at her child. _

_"Yes Mama," she responded, as she headed toward the kitchen to prepare a quick meal. Not even ten minutes later, she heard a yell. _

_"Bitch, I want my dinner," there was a slight pause before an even louder yell was heard, "Now!" _

_"Yes Mama, it's coming now," Olivia walked into the lounge carrying a tray balancing a bottle of vodka and a warm meal. _

_"Here's your dinner," she said as she placed the meal in front of her mother. "Goodnight Mama," she whispered gently. _

_At 2:30 in the morning, a loud yell awakened her. Realising that for once her mother was not beating her and it was not her own yells; Olivia quickly got up and followed the yells to her mother's bedroom. As she looked on in horror, her mother yelled and fought against an invisible attacker. _

_She knew what this was, it was the night she was conceived. The night her mother had been brutally attacked and raped. The night and the pain it caused, she drank about. The night that made her abuse Olivia. The night that her mother's world had come crashing down. _

_She felt horrible, like it was somehow her fault, like she should have prevented it. Like she was the cause of her pain, and what troubled her eight-year-old mind the most was that in a way it was. Olivia sunk to the floor, curled up in a light ball and cried. _

_Cried for the pain her mother had endured. Cried for the horrid memories that scarred her. Cried for the times that her mother couldn't forget. Cried for the hopelessness she felt that she couldn't help. Cried for the fact that she couldn't help. Cried for the fact that she caused her mother pain. Cried for the abuse her mother inflicted on her to forget and cried that she was the constant reminder of the horror her mother had experienced that night. _

_In a wave of final despair as she heard her mother's cries, she raced the bathroom and got one of the many blades her mother left lying around. Gripping it tightly, she slowly and methodically cit her wrist deeply, sighing as she felt the warm blood pour out of her. _

_A few minutes later, she passed out and was found lying in a pool of blood, by her mother angrily wondering where her breakfast was. _

**_Flashback End _**

****

"That was the first time I ever tried, and the funniest part was that it wasn't even an attempt. I had no idea I could die from blood loss. After I learnt that, I stored it for future knowledge."

"Future knowledge?" he asked, tightening his grip on her once more.

"In case I wanted to end it again," she stated, shrugging her shoulders as though that was unimportant.

"Did that happen often?"

"Almost monthly for two years. After that I learned I couldn't do it."

"Do what?" he was almost afraid to ask.

"Bleed it out."

"Bleed what out?"

"Him," she stated harshly.

And then he understood. She had tried to bleed him out so that her mother wouldn't hurt to look at her. She had tried to rid herself of him so that she could be loved by her mother but she had learnt that no matter what she did, her mother would never be able to love her.

He hugged her tightly, glad that with all her attempts, she hadn't died.

"Tell me more," he requested gently, keeping his hold on her.

"Where do you want me to go from?" she asked, relieved that she had finally found someone to talk to about her past and her pain.

"After she found you."

"Well, when I woke up the next time, I had been in a hospital for two days and my mother had never visited. I woke up on the third day, and found myself face to face with the same officers that had come to the house the year before…"

**_Flashback Begin _**

****

_"What happened, honey?" asked one of the officers. _

_"I tripped, cut myself," Olivia replied, avoiding the concerned gaze. _

_"How could you cut yourself with a blade if you tripped?" _

_"It must have been left out. I fell, cut my wrist. End of story," Olivia stated coldly before continuing, "Please go. I have to get out of here," she began pulling on the various tubes stuck in her body. _

_"Honey, you need to stay here. Just for another day then you can leave." _

_"What about my Mama?" she asked anxiously, "What happened to her?" _

_"Nothing, though she will be investigated for child abuse." _

_"Why? She didn't do anything," Olivia asked, terrified of the anger her mother would have at her if this was done. _

_"You said she left the blade out. It endangered your welfare." _

_"If I tell you what really happened, will you leave her alone?" _

_"Yes, depending on what you tell us." _

_"You can't do anything to Mama because I'll be all alone." _

_"What about your father?" _

_"I don't have one." She glared coldly. _

_Immediately, the officers assumed that the woman had slept with numerous men when drunk and had not known the identity of the man who had fathered her child. _

_Taking into account the officer's expressions, Olivia quickly stated, "It's not like that." _

_"Not like what?" _

_"She's not a slut." _

_The men looked astonished that an eight year old girl would know and speak such words. He then looked at her, clearly wanting an explanation. _

_"She was raped, I was born. I tried to get him out of my blood last night because then Mama would love me and not have nightmares any longer." _

_"Oh, honey," the officer reached forward to embrace her, but she flinched and cowered into the bed. _

_"What's wrong?" _

_"Don't touch me." _

_"Why not?" he asked cautiously. _

_"I don't like it." _

_"Did someone hurt you?" _

_"No," the little girl stated, a little to fast. _

_"Who hurt you?" _

_"No one, I hurt myself, no one else did." _

_Knowing that he would not get any more information out of Olivia, the officers left her alone. _

**_Flashback End _**

****

"I got out of hospital the next day. I called Mom, she came and got me. First time she'd ever done that," Olivia snorted.

"What did she do when you got home?"

"Nothing. It surprised me, I fully expected a beating, instead, she tucked me in bed and made meals the following day. I was so amazed."

"Amazed? At what?"

"That she actually cared about me."

"Oh," was all he could think to say. Although he had a tough childhood with an abusive father, he had never doubted that he had been loved.

"Don't worry about it. I didn't really mind. That memory always brought me comfort when the beatings returned."

"She was never nice to you again?"

"Oh, she was, when I got sick. The cuts and bleeding didn't have any impact on her but the hypothermia and others did."

"Hypothermia?"

Olivia nodded but did not continue.

"What happened?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: **

"It wasn't really anything. Got locked out in Winter."

"Who locked you out?"

"Mom."

"Why?"

**_Flashback Begin _**

****

_"Mama," the eleven year old child called. No response was heard, yet Olivia knew her mother was home. _

_"Mama, where are you?" she called again, wondering out of the kitchen and into the living area of their home. _

_"Mama, are you home?" Olivia called again, still walking cautiously, not wanting her mother's drunken anger to be hurled at her again. _

_"Mama, are you hurt? Are you here? Where are you, Mama?" the small girl called through the house again. She paused in front of her mother's bedroom, not wanting to enter but afraid for her mother's safety. _

_Gathering her courage, she tentatively opened the door and called, "Mama," softly. Her mother, previously asleep on the bed, woke and began to yell. _

_"What are you doing? Get away! Stop doing this to me, GO AWAY!" her mother yelled, staring at the girl through wild eyes. Olivia quietly exited the room, apologizing profusely. _

_A few minutes later her mother joined her on the couch in the living room. _

_"Why did you do that you stupid girl?" _

_"I couldn't find you," the girl stated softly. _

_"So you decided to stick your nose where it doesn't belong?" _

_The girl had enough, the constant criticism, anger, beatings and insults that had been thrown at her had gone too far. She answered nastily. _

_"Why not?" _

_Serena looked astonished. Her obedient little girl was not so obedient any longer. She grew angry. _

_"Get out, you slut," she yelled at the girl. _

_"I'm not going anywhere," the girl stated, "It's Winter and it's snowing." _

_"You get outside this instant," she roared, waving her fists, attempting to hit the girl. _

_"But Mama," Olivia began. _

_"NOW!" _

_Quietly Olivia left the room and went to her bedroom, packing a few warm pieces of clothing and some fruit in a backpack. She walked through the living area and exited. _

_As soon as she was outside, Olivia snuck through the side and settled herself under a shrub that she thought would provide some shelter. Covering herself with the blankets she had packed, Olivia fell asleep. _

**_Flashback End _**

****

"I was out there for three days. I missed Christmas and almost missed New Year as well. Mom never came to check on me, but after the third day I think she got tired of making her own meals so she came to look for me."

**_Flashback Begin _**

****

_"Olivia," her mother called softly. _

_"Mama," came the small, horse reply, followed by bone chilling coughs. _

_The mother walked over the soft snow to the shrub that Olivia had taken shelter when her mother had told her to leave. When she saw the small girl, she gasped in surprise. _

_Olivia was covered in blankets from head to foot. She was extremely pale and her bones protruded sharply under her skin. She was shivering harshly and every few seconds gave a wheezing, dry couch that shook her frail body. _

_Looking in shock at the child that lay before her, almost dead, Serena was overcome with remorse and guilt. Gently she picked up the girl and carried her into the warm living area. _

_Gently, Serena covered her daughter in blankets and placed a cool cloth on her forehead. Coughs still shook her body every couple of minutes but she seemed better. Olivia had more color in her cheeks, but her fever had not yet broken. _

_For the first time since having her daughter, Serena was worried. Other injuries could be explained but this could not. For once, putting her daughters' needs before her own, she brought the sick girl to the hospital. _

_'Acute Hypothermia' the doctors had diagnosed her with. For a few weeks Olivia stayed in the hospital, without abuse or assault from her mother as she never visited. She made friends with the nurses, who fell in love with her kind and compassionate nature and by the end of her stay, she was sad to leave and go back to her vile lifestyle. _

_For two weeks after arriving home, Serena was kind, caring, attentive; everything a mother should be, but Olivia should have known that the behavior would not last. In the third week, her mother became demanding again, ordering breakfast, dinner, clothing set out, washing, dusting and cleaning to be done. Almost everything was back to normal except the beatings. They had not returned, but Olivia figured it was only a matter of time. _

_A month after arriving back from the hospital, Olivia was woken up once more from fists punching, pinching and bruising her still weak body. Not able to fight back, Olivia lay in the bed and accepted the many blows being rained upon her. After the pain had reached an almost impossible level, the fists stopped and the door banged shut behind her mother. Olivia thought quietly, ' the drunk is back.' _

**_Flashback End _**

****

"She left you for three days," Elliot asked shocked, hating her mother more by the minute.

"Yeah, wasn't the first time nor the last. It's just the only time I had to go to the hospital for it."

"I'm sorry, I'm really so sorry that you had to go through that."

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's in the past. You get past it and move on," she shrugged.

Changing the subject, he asked, "You want some dinner?"

"Yeah, Chinese would be great."

"Come on," he stated, as she got off his lap, leaving his embrace. After he got up, he held his band waiting for her to come with him. Placing her hand in his, he understood that she placed more than her hand in his. She placed her heart, trust, soul and bring with him and if he betrayed her, she wouldn't survive.

"Thank you," he whispered in her ear as they left the room together, hand in hand.


End file.
